Here's a song that got cut from Underhill Downs. Why did it get cut? The people I trust for counsel on these matters were not expressing much enthusiasm for this song, and I noticed that. (They didn't like Stilts much either, but I insisted.) It's just an acoustic guitar song, so it doesn't really match the sonic ambition of Underhill Downs. The girls I know didn't respond much to it either, and I think people got the wrong idea, and maybe even took offense, like I was making some kind of statement about gender differences.

Please. My stepmom got involved with the National Women's Political Caucus in the eighties, I was not raised to go spouting gender stereotypes. The point of this song is just to capture a mood, not to make a statement. Women and men in relationships often find themselves frustrated at the way the other behaves in response to conflict, that ain't no brilliant observation. In those moments, it's easy to think, damn, girls are crazy!

listen to "Girls Get Hysterical "

This song is based on the breakup story of a gamer-friend of mine. He and his girlfriend had an awful argument while on a trip to go to a mutual friend's wedding. The more hysterical she got, the more cold and impenetrable he became. He realized that their relationship was probably doomed, and that it was not going to be a pleasant breakup. It was impossible to communicate. She started screaming at him like a banshee. He got fed up and started to leave, but then she collapsed and started crying inconsolably. He stopped with his hand on the doorknob. He had never seen her like this; he was worried she might hyperventilate. Holding in his rage, he went back to hold her until she could breathe normally again.

He left the apartment after that, and drove across town to a gamer hotspot to play Magic: The Gathering for a little escapism. (As a gamer myself, I totally relate to this. After 9-11 I spent 3 days in my attic bedroom sorting magic cards because I was so anxious about the coming war.) He kept thinking about how much he didn't want to go back to that apartment and have to be in the same room with his girlfriend. He didn't know what to do. Maybe after the magic tournament he would stay up all night and just walk around, or sleep in the park. It was hard to concentrate and he played badly.

Defying all odds, there happened to be a single girl at the game store who was also into magic and hadn't already been fawned over by the other nerds. He started flirting immediately and before he knew what happened he was spending the night in her bed. Defying a pretty established rule for first-time hookups, she gave him a big hickey on his neck.

The next day was the wedding.

He and his girlfriend, basically not speaking to each other, nevertheless had to get dressed for the wedding in the same room. He shielded the hickey from view until he could get his collared shirt on. There were several close calls, but since both of them were pretty much avoiding looking at each other, the hickey went unnoticed. Then they sat through declarations of eternal love while steaming with anger at each other and plotting their independence.

Girls Get Hysterical

Pale moon glow
Orange of an oriole
Lights from the highway patrol
(Things that grab your attention)

Someone to admire
The heat of desire
Forget the basics of fire prevention

And girls get hysterical
And girls get hysterical

Sometimes your trail
Is hard to unveil
Your quest for the grail
Isn't going as planned
Sometimes you show
The world your inner glow
But the world is a little slow
To understand

And girls get hysterical
Girls get hysterical

They curl into a ball
Right after they’ve lost their temper
And spit all of their venom
And sob as you pack in a fury
Turn the doorknob
But how can you leave her like this?

They’ll water your plants,
Save the last dance,
Then call off the romance,
Without even blinking

Some need to cheat
To make their retreat
Yet boys are discreet
About what they’re thinking

And girls get hysterical
Girls get hysterical

 

Thanks for reading.

Feb 1, 2011

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